That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
