I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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