you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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