Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
