i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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