I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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