Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
