I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
