I am puke
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
