Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
