my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
