Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
