Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
