a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
