my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
