There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Girls should come with a carfax report
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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