What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
