even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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