i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
