You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
