Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
