so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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