man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
