His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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