I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
