do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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