It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
