What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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