So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
