I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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