whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
