im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you had me at cake vodka
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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