Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
