im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
