I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and she was petting her beer can
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
