dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
