May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
