there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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