it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
