Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
