I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
