Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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