Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
