id be glad to
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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