After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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