So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
