Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
