I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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