not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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