You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
