id be glad to
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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