Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just had sex bonerless
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
