Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
