So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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