I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
