Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's just like the Real World with babies
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
