dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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