He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
