well I can't set my house on fire every night
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
