I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
