i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
