Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
